Monday, November 13, 2006

Mmm... Death Pockets!

Once upon a time, I relied on canned corn, corned beef hash, Shake & Bake, Cup O' Noodles, soy sauce, Sriracha and Spam as a source for sustenance. Canned was the way to go back then when you were constantly broke. I made the most out of everything. Some days, I would have Nissin Ramen without the soup, topped w/ sliced spam and canned corn. Shake & Bake-coated Spam with rice and eggs. Chili dogs consisted of Albertson's franks in a bun with a nice glob of Sriracha chili. Gross I know. I died a little during my college years. But on the paydays from working the on-campus, non-taxed jobs, I'd be able to treat myself to... Hot Pockets!!!

Weighing in at 4-5 oz, these are monumental achievements in the world of trashy food. Each one contains 403 calories, 22 g fat, 52 g cholesterol and 906 mg sodium. Nice stats. Unwrap, slap on the sleeve, nuke and enjoy. Who couldn't resist this buttery pastry filled with MEAT and CHEESE. Thanks to the innovative technology of the cardboard sleeve... you can simulate that deep fried taste. You had to time these perfectly in the oven... 15-20 seconds over the suggested oven time, and you'd get molten lava coming out of there. Watchout! I've burned the roof of mouth many a drunken nights.

Which Hot Pockets did you guys eat? It seems that Ham & Cheese and Philly Cheesesteak are always the ones included in the 8 for $10 deal.

I recently watched this hilarious clip on "Hot Pockets" - performed by comedian Jim Gaffigan. The whole Jim Gaffigan CD is a fun look at food and things related to it. Check out the clip by clicking on the image.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=i4Z_eTJq3bY

Thanks for reading.

26 comments:

Jeni said...

Shake and Bake??? You just lost some points!

Chubbypanda said...

Spam should be eated fried on both sides with rice! Shake n' Bake!?! You wuss. =b

Meatball Pizza Lean Pockets for me. Used to get them from Costco. There was a period of time in college when I lived off of Lean Pockets, ramen, rice, tofu, and frozen peas and carrots. I remember one particularly creative dinner when I stir-fried the ramen noodles in a thicker sauce made from the flavoring packet and at few saved ketchup packets from In-N-Out, then added frozen peas and carrots. I ate it with steamed rice.

...

I'm so glad I have a job now.

- Chubbypanda

H. C. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
H. C. said...

The pot-pie express varieties are actually pretty yummy -- and calorie-laden, but at least not as guilty as one of the Marie Calendar's frozen pot pies!

And avoid the Lean Pocket ultra at all costs... the "whole-grain topped crust" tastes like wet cardboard, and it's only half filled with meat&cheese-like substances!

I really hope I don't die soon after a hot pocket--it'd be shameful for the coroner to dissect a foodie and discover *that* in my tummy.

eatdrinknbmerry said...

CP, Spam is best fried. I actually know of people that will eat it RAW. I'll at least microwave it to get rid of the KY Jelly in the can haha. I've never had meatball pizza nor have I had the 80 other flavors they have. I remember my kitchen drawers being stocked with ketchup, S&P and Del Taco hot sauce. That was my condiment bar. I'm with you, making money is a good thing.

HC, I know what you mean about the Lean Pockets. By lean, they mean removing any flavor from the caloric crust. So yes, it does taste like wet cardboard. Sick. Haha... time of death... 3:41 am. Cause of death... HPOD (Hot Pocket overdose).

One Food Guy said...

I can honestly say I've never had a hot pocket. The product of growing up in a Kosher home I guess.

I will say that Sriracha kicks ass!

yoony said...

hehe, your post reminds me of my college days. rice a roni w/tons of tobasco, too many pasta nights w/jarred tomato sauce, kimchi fried rice, $1 tacos & jumbo jack on sourdough from jack box. there was some good stuff in there too like korean food, etc. but so much junk food! eek.

eatdrinknbmerry said...

One Food Guy, go get one right now and get it out of the system haha. You have 80 different flavors to choose from... http://www.hotpockets.com/

Yoony! Oh we've talked about the 2 for $1 jack tacos... those are so good and so bad. I forgot to add that I had cases of kim chi bowls. These were good b/c you can do a double meal... Round 1 was just the noodles... Round 2... add a scoop of rice in there and you had ghetto porridge.

elmomonster said...

Funny you should mention Hot Pockets! Not only do I like them (a lot) and thought of them as special treats back in the day just as you did, guess who was the keynote speaker at my MBA commencement at UCI? That's right, the inventor of the Hot Pocket himself: Paul Merage!

Don't believe me? Look here.

We all snickered at the choice at the time, thinking that couldn't we have gotten someone with, more, um, prestige? Maybe someone from the tech field, or high finance?

Well, as it turns out the speech came off very well received (the wild success of Hot Pocket, is nothing to snicker at) and ultimately, Paul Merage got the last laugh. Subsequently Merage donated gobs, and gobs of money to the school, and you know what that means!

Yes, the UCI Graduate School of Management is now renamed "The Paul Merage School of Business".

That's right. My alma mater, my degree is from the school named after the inventor of the Hot Pocket!

eatdrinknbmerry said...

Elmo, that's awesome. You went to the Hot Pocket University hahaha. I wonder if Paul Merage went to UCI. Well I was an Asian Am studies major at UCI... I would've loved to have graduated from the Sam Woo University of Asian Studies. Full lecture hall and classrooms, to the side of it is a lady taking your to-go orders... 3 for $4.50. That would be great.

BoLA said...

"Canned corn, corned beef hash, Shake & Bake, Cup O' Noodles, soy sauce, Sriracha and Spam"...

Why does that sound so familiar???

;)

eatdrinknbmerry said...

Either it's familiar b/c you had the same diet as I did. Or because you had a look at MS's pantry minus all the ketchup/mustard haha.

Chubbypanda said...

UCI alumni power activate! Form of food bloggers !

I miss the ol' University of Chinese Immigrants.

HC is right. Lean Pocket Ultras are foul, like someone tried to make dough from old tofu and wet naps.

Lean Pockets, on the other hand, are awesome. They're like pizza dough, which I like much better than the "pastry" wrapped regular Hot Pockets. 'Course, a Hot Pocket bears about as much resemblence to food as David Carradine does to a Chinese person, but I'd rather have Kwai Chang Kane wrapped in pizza dough than in gummy pastry. That's just me, though.

We likes the "KY Jelly" in Spam containers. That's the best part. We don't throw that away or fry it. Oh no no no. We spoon it directly onto a bowl of steamed rice and eats it, yes we does, my preciousssss.

The kimchi ramen -> ghetto porridge trick? I'm doing that in my office right now. Ah, Nong Shim Noodle Cup, what would I ever do without you?

- Chubbypanda

One Food Guy said...

Oh yeah, I've never had spam either! My go to in college was Velveeta shells and cheese made in a hot pot. Sometimes I'd leave the pot on a shelf, uncleaned, for weeks. The cheesiness left in the pot remained cheesy and orange, no mold. I don't want to know what kind of preservatives were in that processed cheese sauce!! So good though.

Christine D. said...

I second the meatball hotpockets! That's my favorite flavor (that was available at costco. pepperoni pizza was excessively oily). But i haven't had those in a while. I haven't even tried hotpockets since they've added cheese on the top.

Even though i still live at home, my parents haven't been cooking much this year because of our new flower shop. I've been eating more instant ramen and udon. Wang's udon is pretty good (hm, that doesn't really sound right...).

Wow, so many food blogs i read are written by UCI alumni! And half of the commenters so far have graduated from there.

H. C. said...

I guess I'll be the sole representation from cow-town (UC Davis) and bullet-dodging University of South Central (grad school) ;)

and pot pie express got canned! :(

Oh yea, sub pockets are actually not bad, I was surprised the bread came out half-decent.

Bon Vivant said...

Even when I was a poor student I couldn't bring myself to eat processed foods (could it be the Italian in me?) so I just ate pasta three times a day.

Now that I'm older and my tastes are getting "funkier" I kind of like Spam! I had some great Spam fried rice at Sapp Coffee Shop last week.

Anonymous said...

hi! it's theresa.. i really love your posts and writing style. it reminds me of bridget jones's diary or confessions of a shopaholic. :) anywho after all the yummy gourmet type of meals you make and eat, i'm happy you can still enjoy a good 'ol hot pocket (my ultimate fave is broccoli, ham, and cheese).

Tokyoastrogirl said...

Oh Dylan- how innovative you are! Shake N Bake SPAM?! As if SPAM doesn't have enough sodium on it's own, you add the one thing that may actually have MORE. I love the way you'd make the poor man's yakisoba with the ramen noodles. Of course, I have enjoyed a Hot Pocket more than once....I like the meatball ones the best. I do still, on occassion, eat the Lean Pockets Ultra if I'm in a rush.

We need to have an Iron Chef with LA Food Bloggers- make a meal with 75 cents. How fun would that be? We could all post our results and you (since you're the expert!) could be the judge.

eatdrinknbmerry said...

CP, my favorite acronym was probably the University of Civics & Integras, which was damn accurate. yes, nong shim does make great products.

Onefoodguy, that was scary... it's not a surprise that processed foods will last longer out in the open than REAL food. It is frightening how many preservatives go in there. Spam... gotta try spam. My favorite way to eat it is pan fried, w/ 2 fried eggs, rice and furikake (seaweed seasoning).

Christine D, I forgot that Costco provides the mammoth 30 pack Hot Pocket boxes. You'd need a subzero fridge to stock those. Yeah, looks like the UCI alumni include me, oishii eats, elmo and chubbypanda. It's probably b/c of the shitty dorm food we were tormented with that made us seek the good eats in life.

HC, UCI's football team is better than yours. JK.

Bon Vivant, for special occasions, I would make Spam Bolognese. Basically it's similar to all of Sandra Lee's recipes. Buy the canned sauce, add spam, and cook the pasta.

Theresa, hi thanks for stopping by. Why are you so nice to me? What is it that you want from me? haha jk. You have to come over to J's one of these days with Kimchiboy and eat hot pot with us. It's goohr!

eatdrinknbmerry said...

TAG, that would be really fun. $5 budget should be good. Let's do it! When you're poor, you make things happen with what you have. Jeni says I lost points w/ the Shake & Bake though. harsh.

Daily Gluttony said...

hahahaha--i liked the pizza ones and the chicken and broccoli ones. back in college we didn't have the costco membership (too poor) so we always clipped processed instant food coupons from the sunday paper. sometimes stuff would be free or close to free if it was on sale at ralphs plus the double coupon. whenever that happened, my roommate and i would always high five.

along the same lines as hot pockets for us was hamburger helper, rice a roni, pasta roni, chef boyardee, etc, etc. and we ALWAYS had a pot of steamed rice cooking--fills ya up & cheap at the same time!

rameniac said...

lol i brought several bottles of sriracha over here to japan for people i'm visiting. guess that's their omiyage haha... apparently they don't have the stuff over here; but then again, they don't really have pho either...

s'kat said...

It was pepperoni pizza for me, all the way! On payday, I'd head to the Chinese take-out joint and load up on Sweet'n'Sour Chicken.

talkoftomatoes said...

I love Gaffigan!!!!

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